Courage is
by TheRedPenofDoom87
Summary: Katara's POV on "The Southern Raiders". Song-Fic to "Courage is..." Zutara-ish...i suppose. One-shot. COMPLETE


_**So here is a zutaraish look at the Southern Raiders..which if you didnt know already is one my favorite avatar episodes. I kept wondering why Katara was so pissed at Zuko after all he did and this is what i came up with**_

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing at all except my own twisted Zutara-ness. the song belongs to "The Strange Familar" and you've probably heard it, if you live in the states, on ABC Family's "The Secret Life the American Teenager" Its called "Courage is.." and that's where i got the idea actually._**

**_all of the verses and chorus divid the one-shot up and obvious some of the stuff i wrote didn't happen in the show, but i wanted to see it so here we go!!_**

* * *

_Take all my vicious words_

_And turn them into something good._

_Take all my preconceptions_

_And let the truth be understood._

_Take all my pieces of doubt_

_And let me be what's underneath_

* * *

I had a dream about my mother last night. I haven't dreamt of her in a long time and it was so wonderful. Somehow she was here with Dad and we were all laughing and smiling like a real family would. Sokka was introducing her to Suki and I was introducing her to Toph and Aang. She was smiling at them like they were long lost children of hers, just the way I thought she would. She would have loved our friends.

As I looked up into her face, she was just the way I remembered her; the necklace at her throat and her blue eyes crinkling up at the corners just like Sokka does when he smiles. And then I couldn't stand it, I threw my arms around her and wailed into her hair. "I dreamed that you died! That you were killed and…!" I couldn't say anymore because I was blinding myself with a rushing river of tears.

She laughed and kissed my hair, my wet cheeks. "I will never leave you, love. Never. I will always be with you."

Her arms were tight around me and the fur around her collar tickling my cheek. At that moment I knew it was all a dream and if it ended now, that would be just fine with me. I would gladly let it all go to be here with her, to never cry or worry or miss her ever again. If I could float along in this dream land, I would. I'm sorry, Aang, Sokka, Toph…but…I think I'll stay-

CRASH!

I came to on the hard cold ground of the Western Air Temple, back in the real world. Reality was a cold harsh place….and it was loud….why in the world was it so loud? I realized then that we were under attack, the walls shook and I could see the bombs being lobbed at us from Fire Nation war balloons. Already everyone else was up watching Aang blow the door shut on us, giving us a little time. Before the door shut I caught a flash of red and I knew.

And suddenly the cave shook as another bomb collided with the Temple wall and a portion of the cave gave way over me. A few seconds later I was sprawled across the ground, Zuko on top of me.

"What are you doing?!" I screeched.

"Keeping the rocks from crushing you," he said as conversationally as if he were talking about the weather.

"Well, I'm not crushed so you can get off me now!" I snapped and pushed him off me. I was still mad at him and his saving me didn't win him any points in my book. Sure he was Aang's fire bending teacher, sure he tolerated Toph, was buddy-buddy with Suki and had risked his life to help my Dad and Sokka but I still hated him…. I hated his tallness, his eyes, his face, his sincerity. I hated it all and it was the real hate, the kinds that oozes through your veins and 

robs you of all rational thought. It turned my stomach to hate him this much but he didn't deserve any better. I wanted to push his stupid, pasty-face, arrogant-

Toph and Haru bent the cave walls into a tunnel. "Come on, we can get out through here!" She shouted. Dad and the others followed and stand in the door way as Aang tried to pull Appa through the tunnel. Suddenly Zuko started toward the war balloons.

"What are you doing?!" Aang cried.

Zuko in his stupid self-sacrificing voice said: "Go ahead. I'll hold them off…I think this is a family thing…"

"Zuko! NO!" Aang tried to reach out but had to keep a hold on Appa's reins, but Aang's paltry cry couldn't have stopped Zuko and he ran out onto the crumbling balcony toward certain doom; also known as Azula.

Sokka and I ran out and tried to help Aang pull Appa into the tunnel but the huge flying bison couldn't be persuaded. He roared and growled as we tried to coax him. "Come on, we gotta get out of here!" Sokka shouted over the roar of the bombs.

"I can't get him to go in there! Appa hates tunnels…" Aang growled.

"Aang, there's no way we can fly out of here!" I argued and felt the blisters starting to rise up on my fingers.

"We have to find a way!" Aang was determined.

"We need to split up!"Sokka decided and peeled away to where everyone else stood waiting in Toph's tunnel. "Take the tunnel and get to the stolen airship…" Sokka informed Dad and Suki.

"NO!" I whipped around to face Dad. "The Fire Nation can't separate our family again!" I couldn't help but think of Mom and seeing her so alive in my dream.

"It'll be okay, Katara," Dad whispered to me. "It's not forever," he hugged me like Mom…I held back the tears; it wasn't the time for them. And just like that in my dream, he was gone and so were we.

As I climbed up behind Sokka and helped Suki up while Toph felt the wall with her feet and hands. "I can clear a way and we can fly out through there!"

Suki looked rather uncomfortable. "Um…there's an awful lot of fire in that direction…" Sokka put his arm around her.

"We'll get through!" Aang replied and flicked Appa's reins. All at once it seemed, Toph earth bent the wall and we flew free of the cave. We dodged a few fire blasts, skimming above the low-lying clouds. Suddenly behind us there was a blast and we saw two figures falling through the air.

Aang turned Appa and we headed back. I realized as we got closer that it was Zuko and Azula falling though the clouds. I reached up and snatched him out of the air as he fell toward us. He looked at me for a moment in gratitude, I think. But I didn't pay it any mind. I've repaid my debt; my life for his, his for mine.

Sure, they would call Zuko courageous and brave taking on Azula like that. Sure, he'd risked his life to come to us. Sure, he'd turned his back on his family to do it all. He'd left everything he'd known behind. But was he courageous? It had been the right thing to do all along, was that really so hard?

As we flew under the cover of the clouds, I sank down to my knees next to Toph and held on to her, I couldn't help but wonder if me not killing Zuko was the bravest thing I could have ever done. I hated him and he deserved every scrap of hate that rolled off my shoulders in gale force waves, but I still wondered….

* * *

_Courage is when you're afraid,_

_But you keep on moving anyway_

_Courage is when you're in pain,_

_But you keep on living anyway_

* * *

That night as we all sat around the camp fire, they toasted Zuko, calling him a hero. I scoffed at their joy, their happiness. I glanced at Sokka, his arm around Suki; boasting and laughing just like our mother used to. All at once my tea turned sour and I couldn't take it anymore.

"…I don't deserve this," Zuko was saying.

"Yeah," I hissed in Zuko's direction. "No kidding…" I left the warm circle of friendship for face the cool ocean breezes alone.

But the sight and smell and feel of the ocean were lost on me, I realized. No matter long I stood there, feeling the ocean inside me trying to wear down the jagged edges of my anger but I wouldn't let it. I couldn't or wouldn't; I wasn't sure which it was. My anger was too strong for soothing. It was a roaring, screeching animal to have been robbed of my mother and it wasn't until this moment that I wanted to see her more than anything, more than killing Zuko or his father or his sister, more than I wanted to see Dad again, more than winning this war. I wanted her smooth, cool hand to press against my cheek and to feel her fur collar tickling my chin. That would be enough for all eternity.

I sighed guiltily. I couldn't let myself think like that, I had Toph and Sokka and Aang to consider and take care of; I was supposed to be the calm one, the motherly one who has all the patience and forgiveness in the world. But right now I was too selfish to allow myself to let go of the hate. The way I saw it, they had every piece I gave them, and all I gave them was the good things, the bad I kept for myself. That was what a mother did: she sacrificed her own happiness for the good of her children because she loved them with every piece of her heart and would do anything for them. Just like mine.

As I walked along the beach, I heard someone behind me. I turned and crossed my arms in front of my chest, protecting my heart from him breaking it again.

Zuko didn't waste any time. "This isn't fair; everyone else seems to trust me now. What is it with you?" What killed me was that he had the gall to look truly confused. Moronic, spiteful no good-

"Oh! Everyone trusts you now?!" I snarled. "_I_ was the first person to trust you!" My anger took hold of me then. It lashed out like a tsunami wave, destroying every other emotion in its path. It soared past the grief, the heart break, the terror. It was flowing free and clear and had a target. "Remember back in Ba Sing Se!" There I had said the magic word; he visibly twitched, it filled me with a savage pleasure. "And then you turned around and betrayed me! Betrayed all of us!"

Zuko bowed his head in shame. As he should. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

"You really wanna know?!" I stepped up close to him. I could count the colors of amber and gold in his eyes, see the glint of the far away fire on his black hair. "Maybe you can re-conquer the Ba Sing Se in the name of the Earth King…or I know," I brush past him. "You can bring my mother back!" As I moved past him, I was beyond caring, beyond a lot of things.

The others watched me come back in from the beach and disappear into my tent. No one came in to see if I was all right. But I preferred it that way. I was roiling in my hate and I didn't want to infect anyone else with my anger.

But as I lay there in the dark, hoping for another dream of my mother, I reached up and felt her necklace. There was a time when I was younger before I got dragged into this war, a time before I knew what war really was, I could feel her love. Now all I felt was the torture of her loss.

The next morning dawned bright and cheery. It was a perfect morning for new beginnings. The night before I didn't dream of my mother. I didn't dream of anything.

As I got out of my tent, I noticed Zuko sitting on a low flat rock, running his hands through his hair as he saw me.

"You look terrible," I said without any ceremony as I started to brush my hair.

"I waited all night for you," his voice was low in his throat. I only glanced at him, daring him to say more. "I know I can't change things but I know who killed your mother and I know how to find him…"

I drop the brush in surprise. "What?"

I wanted him to be lying. I wanted an empty promise from him, another reason to loathe him, to want to crush him between my fingers as if he were nothing more than an autumn leaf. But I looked into his eyes and I saw the truth there. It scared me more than I could say.

* * *

_We all have excuses why_

_Living in fear something in us dies_

_Like a bird with broken wings_

_It's not how high he flies,_

_But the song he sings_

* * *

The first time I asked Aang to borrow Appa, he said no. But I wasn't about to let that stop me. Later that day, at sunset, Zuko and I were loading up Appa's saddle, when I heard Aang's angry voice: "So, you were going to take Appa anyway?!"

"Yes!" I snapped. I hated to snap at Aang like that. But he just couldn't understand. He couldn't see how this was tearing me apart; this agony, this grief. The tears I longed to shed were welling up in me like an ocean of broken glass, glittering and sharp. It was cutting me up. They didn't have the dream that I'd had; the one where she held me and I could feel her as if she'd never left at all.

Aang sighed, knowing he couldn't change my mind. "That's okay, I guess I forgive you….that give you any ideas?" He smiled hopefully.

I didn't look at his bright innocent smile. I only leapt up on Appa. "Don't try to stop us…"

"I wasn't planning to…" Aang whispered and then locked eyes with me because I was stupid enough to look down at him. "This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man."

I could only nod, not looking at my brother. Part of me was so sorry about what I'd said to him…I would repair that bridge later.

"When you do," Aang wasn't finished with me yet….. "Please don't choose revenge. Let your anger out then let it go. Forgive him."

Never, I chanted in my head. I will never forget and I will never forgive. I almost told him this and then Zuko spoke for me. "Yeah," Zuko rolled his eyes. "We'll be sure to do that, Guru Goody-Goody."

And with that, I flicked the reins and we were flying through the sky. We didn't speak much on the ride there. The occasional direction from Zuko and then his announcement that he was going to sleep for a while.

When he awoke, he realized that I was still awake. "You should get some rest; we're going to be there in a few hours. You'll need all your strength…"

"Don't you worry about my strength." I replied quietly. "I have plenty. I'm not the helpless little I was when they came…." I slipped into the story and told him everything, riding every swell of my heart like a wave. I told him about the falling ash, the man who scared me out of my wits, my father and I running… "but it was too late…"

"You're mother was a brave woman," he admitted after my tale was done.

"I know," I whispered, letting the wind whip the tears back against my eyes. I wouldn't let him see the torment I was being put through. I would never let him see the hurt and the sorrow lying just underneath the burning anger. I knew what happened if I did. The others have been beguiled by those bewitching amber eyes, but not me. The others could feel the warmth, they didn't remember the fire or the sting of the burn. I would never be so stupid again.

We reached the tower under the cloak of night. With our black outfits and Zuko's knowledge of how a Fire Nation Navy base was set up, we were practically invisible. I cast my arms in front of me and created an ice raft that we rode up to the base of the post. We ran through air duct systems as he led the way to the archives. But there was a woman there writing out reports. Zuko looked at me, _How are we going to get around her?_ He seemed to say without any words.

I smirked at him and waved my hand at the woman's ink well. It shook on the table briefly and then the ink half fell, half leapt out onto the parchment, ruining it. As soon as she got up and left, grumbling about the uneven table, we slipped out of our hiding place and I kept watch as Zuko looked though parchment rolls.

"Got them!" he suddenly said. " On patrol near Whale Tail Island!"

"Whale Tail Island here we come…."

* * *

_Courage is when you're afraid,_

_But you keep on moving anyway_

* * *

I had another dream about my mother later that night. Zuko insisted that he pilot Appa because I was dead on my feet. "I agreed to help you find the man who killed your mother," he'd growled earlier. "But I'm not going to let you kill yourself or me with your lack of sleep!" So, tired of fighting, I laid down in Appa's saddle and fell asleep in an instant.

But my dream was discouraging, to say the least. My mother was sobbing and I knelt at her feet, my hands on her knees. "Mama, what's wrong?" I tried to calm her down but nothing I did stopped the tears. I looked down at my hands and saw they were covered in blood. In horror, I tried to wipe my hands clean but I just couldn't get rid of it.

My mother looked down at my blood soaked hands and then looked at me, tears streaming down her face. "Oh, my baby…" she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "My poor baby…"

I couldn't help it, I started crying as well. I wasn't really sure who I cried for, was it because my mother was gone and the only time I would ever see her was in my dreams? Was it for all the tests we've been put through? Was it because of the blood on my hands? I couldn't be sure so I just let the tears fall the way they should.

"We're here," Zuko's voice broke through the layers of sleep. Immediately I was awake and I poked my head over the top of Appa's saddle. Zuko tossed the spy glass to me and I caught it with one hand.

"You ready?" He asked quietly.

"So ready." I jumped down next to him and created an air bubble around Appa's head as we dove into the water. I smiled in my fury under my mask and created a tidal wave that washed all the deck hands off the ship as we approached. We blasted our way to the captain's quarters and found him standing there.

And then I couldn't help it. I reached out and took control of his blood. I let the anger twist him around and I reveled in the giddiness that blood bending brought. Then, I realized that Zuko looked completely…I couldn't even find the words to describe his expression. But I reveled in his fear. His and the man's. Let them dare to cross me now!

I twisted the man around, curving him down until his face pressed against the floor of the ship and I let Zuko do all the talking.

"Who're you?!" the man snarled.

"You don't remember her?!" Zuko snarled right back. "You will soon, trust me! Think back…think back to your last raid on the Southern Water Tribe…"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" He was whimpering now. "Please, I don't know…"

"Don't lie! Look her in the eye and you tell me you don't remember what you did!" Zuko's drive for the truth surprised me. I recognized it even in that moment. Vaguely I wondered if he was vicariously living through me, searching for his own mother. The mother I knew had been lost to him all those years ago…

I un-curled the man's spine and prompted him up on his knees so he could do as Zuko demanded.

And then I saw the man's eyes. My hands dropped of their own accord and I backed away. "It's not him…" I whispered. "It's not the man…"

"What? …he's the leader of the Southern Raiders. He has to be the guy-"

I shook my head. "It's not him." I held back the tears and turned around. I would never let Zuko see me weak again…

"Wait….Katara!" Then somehow we were out on deck and Zuko was chasing after me.

I turned Zuko had pulled down the lower half of his hood and was running his hand through his hair. "I know where to find the man you're looking for. He's retired."

I smiled savagely and pulled Zuko up next to me.

* * *

_Courage is when you're in pain,_

_But you keep on moving anyway_

_Keep on living anyways_

_It's not how many times you've been knocked down_

_It's how many times you get back up_

* * *

We watched him. We followed his every move. We watched him leave his house, go to the market, and return home. He was a sharp man; he nearly caught us a few times. But it was two on one and he would never have a chance. Not only that, but it had began to rain lightly and the thunder we heard was a signal that more was on its way.

"That's him," I affirmed quietly. "That's the monster"

We followed him as he was on his way home. Finally he became so paranoid he turned and fire blasted the nearest tree. When he turned around, we had crawled out of our hiding place. "We weren't behind the tree…" Zuko growled. "I wouldn't try fire bending again."

"Whoever you are, take my money...do whatever you want I'll cooperate..." The man asked.

I cleared my throat and then he noticed me. "Do you know who I am?" I asked in my most steady voice. I was so ready to just…tear him apart, let my rage take control. But I held it in check just like my tears.

"No…I'm not sure…." He stopped as I pulled my hood down.

I bristled at this. After all these years I had never forgotten his face. Not once. I could draw it in my sleep. "You better remember me like your life depended on it!" I shouted, letting my anger out a little. "Take a good look!"

The man stared at me for a moment and then I saw the shock of recognition cross his lined face as the rain began falling faster and harder. They were icy kisses against my cheeks but they were not tears. "…yes. Yes, I remember you now. You're the little water tribe girl…." He swallowed hard as he put two and two together. He knew the exact reason why I was there. And then he did something I didn't expect he told me what he remembered.

I flinched and bowed my head at my mother's sacrifice: her lie that had given me life and taken it from her. My fingers curled in on themselves as the story ended. "She lied to you….She was protecting the last water bender…."

"What? Who?!"

"ME!" She held my hands out and paused the rain falling, creating a water dome over us. He and Zuko watched me in awe, but I was too angry to pay attention. All the years of rage and anguish built up and burst over the dam in my heart. There was no holding it back now and I had no intention of doing so. I wanted them both to witness the extend of my rage and the negative consequences of crossing my path. I whirled my hands around and turned the dome to ice. With a roar I broke the dome and threw the sharp icicles straight at his chest and-

In an instant I had a flash of my dream the night before. My mother sitting there sobbing and my hands filled with blood. But I realized that it hadn't been her blood or mine…it was _his_, this worthless scrap of humanity's blood on my hands. She hadn't wanted me to kill him and really if I did, was I any better than he was?

I stopped the icicles and let them turn to water. I glared at the man and he inched away, still unnerved by my display of power.

"I did a bad thing," He pleaded suddenly seeing his chance. "I know I did. And you deserve revenge. So, why don't you take my mother. That would be fair…"

"I always wondered what kind of person could do such a thing. Now that I see you, I think I understand; there's just nothing inside of you…nothing at all. You're pathetic and sad an empty…" And I don't want to be anything like you, I added to myself silently.

"Please, spare me…."

"As much as I _hate_ you. I just can't do it…."

The man who had robbed me of my mother looked hopeful but all I felt for him was a mix of pity and anger. I bit my lip and felt Zuko's eyes on me. Then the tears that had been gathering over the last few days began dripping over my eyelids and I turned and started walking away. I couldn't stand there and let them see me fall apart.

* * *

_Courage is when you've lost your way,_

_But you find your strength anyway_

* * *

Somehow I managed to find my way to Appa. His gigantic fluffy shape blurred before my eyes as I slumped down on my knees and gave way to the tears. Just like in my dream, I was crying harder than I had ever cried before. I sobbed and ranted and screamed my anguish to the wind. I had no idea I sat there on the ground crying; it could have been days or even years.

Then, suddenly I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I looked up and through my tears, saw Zuko standing there looking morose for me or for him or for us both, I just couldn't figure out which it was. All the hate I had for him, I realized had long since melted away. Perhaps I had cried it away in my dream, leaving room for something new to grow in its place.

So without thinking or caring, I reached up and wrapped my arms around him and he responded instantly; looping his arms around my shoulders. I buried my head in his shoulder and let the storm of tears gush out of me. I was surprised, much later however, that he comforted me like he would a small child; he ran his hand over the back of my head as he let me cry and rage. "I know…" he would whisper every so often. "I'm sorry…" My face was soaked with rain and tears, his and mine I realized later. Zuko was living vicariously through me throughout our journey and I knew that these tears were for his mother…and mine.

And I cried and cried and cried until I was utterly devoid of any feeling at all. Numbly, I pulled back and looked up at him. Zuko looked down at me through long wet locks of black hair. He didn't want me to know that he cried like this and I would never tell. Something had changed between us; we were no longer tied to the old molds, we had walked through the fire and were re-born and raw.

Without saying a word, I got up and scrambled into Appa's saddle. All of a sudden I was so exhausted that I curled up on my side and went to sleep, dreaming of lying there in a pair of strong, warm arms that never once wavered.

* * *

_Courage is when you're afraid_

_Courage is when it all seems grey_

_Courage is when you make a change,_

_And you keep on living anyway_

* * *

Zuko suggested that we locate to a place he called Ember Island. His family had a home there and it would be the last place anyone would look for us. I didn't argue. I was too numb or raw to do so. The last few days' events had, it seemed, taken every little bit out of me, so I simply packed and sat in Appa's saddle watching the clouds pass beneath us.

We finally reached the island and I wandered off to the nearest dock and sat down, letting my legs dangle off the edge. The sun was setting, casting a rosy golden glow across the water and me. I sighed and watched the water ripple against the dock's supports.

My mind was a jumble of so many things. I should have been at peace; I had done what Aang advised. I should have put it behind me…and yet…I bit my lip in agony every time I saw the look of terror in his eyes. At the moment I had loved it, I loved the power and the terror I inspired in both Zuko and the man. Now, looking back, it filled me with a hatred of what I had almost done, what I wanted so badly to do. What he'd done would never be okay, it would never become right and I would never forget it but a small part of me was glad that I hadn't sunk to his level.

"Katara! Are you okay?!" I heard Aang come up behind me, but I didn't turn around. I couldn't, not yet.

"I'm doing fine," I told him, hoping that in time I would be.

"Zuko told me what you did…or what you didn't do," Aang appeared behind me. "I'm proud of you." He said it brightly as if it had solved all the problems, but I knew better.

"I wanted to do it. I wanted to take out all my anger at him but I couldn't. I don't know if I was too weak to finish the job or strong enough not to." I shook my head. Somehow I knew even then that this would be something that I would always struggle with. I turned and stood up. "I didn't forgive him. I'll never forgive him…." I looked up and saw Zuko standing there behind Aang. He seemed like he wasn't sure if he should be there but he was anyway and I wouldn't have any other way. I gave the fire bender a watery smile. "But I am ready to forgive you..." I walked past Aang and wrapped my arms around Zuko's neck. Without a moment's hesitation, he locked his arms around me and for one perfect moment nothing else in the world mattered.

I pulled back and started walking toward camp. I need to talk to my big brother, tell him I was sorry for snapping at him when my temper got the better of me. He would understand, I knew he would.

And as I walked, I realized something I hadn't before; everyone had bonded with Zuko for a completely different reason. He and Sokka were brothers in arms. He and Suki were looking beyond their pasts. He and Toph had been cut from the same cloth. He and Aang were teacher and student now.

What about me? This journey we had taken was one that I truly did need to take. My intent was to kill that man; it was simple, precise. Instead, it had taught me so much about myself and Zuko that I could hardly believe it. But most importantly, I realized that while Zuko and I are opposites in so many respects, we have a bond based not on rule breaking or the whole teacher-student angle, our friendship, if I could call it that was based on love. Both of us had felt and seen the effects of our mother's love, both of them sacrificed themselves for us. Both of us have been touched by this love and it has left its mark on us. No doubt that it will continue to do so.

Before, I had been afraid of the days ahead. They were filled with so much uncertainty and doubt that I was worried that my courage wouldn't be able to stand up to it. But as I walked past Suki and Toph toward Sokka, I knew that with Zuko on our side and with my faith in him, there was no stopping us now.

_

* * *

__You keep on moving anyway_

_You keep on giving anyway_

_You keep on loving anyway._

* * *

**_So let me know what you guys think...i've never done a one-shot like this but i really connected with Katara in this episode and i wanted to tell it through her. _**

**_Much love..._**

**_T.R.P.D_**


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